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Do You Have That ICK Factor?

April 6, 2014 | By Brent Almond | THINGS DAD DIGS


Designer Daddy, in conjunction with Life of Dad, in conjunction with How To Be A Dad & Mom Spark, in conjunction with Clorox, is hosting an EP-ICK event on Twitter this Wednesday! It’s the CLOROX ICK AWARDS! But what’s with all the conjunctioning, and what makes this so EP-ICK? (Sorry, that was too clever not to repeat)


These Are a Few of My Favorite Tweets…

December 6, 2013 | By Brent Almond | POP CULTURE

…from during the broadcast of THE SOUND OF MUSIC LIVE! on NBC.

Dad duties dictated I pass on an opportunity to usher (dressed as a nun, no less) at a local theater where it was being shown. From all accounts it sounded like a great time, including some impromptu sing-a-longs during sound problems. Events like this are always way more hilarious — or awful — when experienced en masse.

So I had to watch it alone at home… And yet, the world watched with me, and laid in to Carrie and company with much gusto and snark. Yes, there were plenty of positive comments about Audra McDonald, Laura Benati, the children, the ratings. But that’s not why God invented Twitter.

While most of the more scathing comments were directed at the lead’s wooden underacting, things snowballed from there as the Twitterverse barreled down the Austrian mountainside, picking up Vampire Bill, Julie Andrews, yodeling and Grumpy Cat along the way.

Without further ado, I present A Few of My Favorite Tweets…
(and yeah, the first one’s from me, after a mere one line of dialog from Maria)












So what were a few of your favorites? Leave ’em in the comments!

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For more fun and frivolity, please visit the Designer Daddy Facebook page  to make it one of your favorite things!

Meet the Monsters of Dad Blogging at Dad 2.0 Summit

October 31, 2013 | By Brent Almond | DESIGN STUFF, LESSONS LEARNED

I’ve sung the praises of Cottonelle Care Routine — the wondrous wipes and the terrific TP — in both poetry and prose. I’ve regaled you with tales of toilet treachery. And if you’re still reading these rear-related posts from a certain group of blogging bums, it means you’re either stalking me (in which case, please buy a t-shirt!) or you’re really keen on going to Dad 2.0 Summit in New Orleans, Jan 30-Feb 1, 2014.

I know I’m extremely excited to be experiencing all kinds of firsts for those three days… My first time attending Dad 2.0 Summit. First trip to New Orleans. And my first time to meet many of my fellow Cottonelle Brand Bumbassadors that have been bombarding you with poop-tweets and judging your own poems worthy to be praised or flushed.

We’re going to be announcing our final two weekly winners on Monday, November 4, so do your doo diligence, and get to haiku-ing. Because you could then be the BIG winner of the trip to Dad 2.0, which we announce a mere two days after that, on November 6!

In the meantime, I thought I’d spend the last few hours of Halloween (OH MY GOD I’M SO EXHAUSTED MY SON IS FOUR AND WENT TO ALL THE HOUSES AND ATE ALL THE CANDY!) introducing you to our fine and fancy gang of fellows who’ve served as your judge and jury these last several weeks.

And YES, you too can meet us all live (-ish) and in person in New Orleans if you win the BIG PRIZE! That right there should be motivation to get off your bum and get to Twittering.

So here they are (better-late-than-never) THE MONSTERS OF DAD BLOGGING BRAND BUMBASSADORS:


(AKA @DudeOfTheHouse)


Cottonelle & Designer Daddy Have That Can-Doo Spirit

October 14, 2013 | By Brent Almond | LESSONS LEARNED

Greetings Dear Readers! It’s me, your bums-talking Brand Ambassador, bringing you another message from the fine folks at Cottonelle!

I and the other BA’s have been on a roll reading (and judging) all the wipe-related haikus you’ve been Tweeting out the wazoo. We’ve already given away $200 Amazon gift cards to 3 potty-mouthed poets. Check out their cheeky, winning work*:

Week 1 winner: @dad_strangeland
Did you wipe? I ask / My four year old shakes her head / Pants already raised.

Week 2 winner: @jesteram
Cottonelle sheets, wipes— / like yin and yang for your butt: / Two forces, one whole.

Week 3 winner: @DeadTurkeyBlog
Please try Cottenelle. / Like wiping with a pillow. / Without the divorce.

These lucky lads are now in the running to win the Grandest of Prizes: an all-expenses paid trip to Dad 2.0 Summit in New Orleans! And we have 4 more winners to choose over the next few weeks, so you still have lots of chances to score a gift card and a seat at Dad 2.0!

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While scrutinizing all these haiku hijinks has been hilarious, it’s also caused me to wax nostalgic. All the poop-talk got me reminiscing about the times in my life I could have really used some Cottonelle TP and Cleansing Cloths. Please indulge me as I over-share one such occasion…


I spent the summer after college in Siberia on a mission trip with a group from my church. We were in Irkutsk, a city of nearly a million people — yet we often found ourselves in rather sub-standard plumbing predicaments. One afternoon we were giving a presentation at a high school, when my lunch of dried fish, pork-filled dumplings and mysterious cabbage concoction decided to take the Trans-Siberian Express out of my body. I raced down the halls to the bathroom and scurried into one of the stalls. Not only did the stall not have a door, the bowl (which was common) didn’t have a seat. And to my horror – nor the toilet paper dispenser, toilet paper. Starting to panic, I hobbled around and check the other stalls. Nyet, nyet, nyet. No doors, no seats, no paper.

While this is not the toilet in the story, it was the one in our flat. That we used every day for 3 months.

While this isn’t the toilet in my story, it WAS the one in my Siberian flat… that I used every day for 3 months.

Lunch had now taken its leave, yet here I sat on my seatless bowl, not sure what to do next. I rifled through my pockets and found two very disconcerting options. Option 1: a small religious pamphlet illustrated in comic-book form. Option 2: my Bible.

The pamphlet was slick and varnished, with rather sharp corners. My Bible, on the other hand, had soft, tissue-like pages. It was my Sophie’s Choice of sanitation.

Luckily I remembered my Bible had several blank pages in the back for taking notes. My choice was made, desecration was avoided, my ass was saved! However some Cottonelle toilet paper and wipes sure would have been a god-send.

Okay, now it’s your turn to confess.
What’s your scariest scatalogical situation? Please post in the comments. My favorite will get a shout-out on Facebook (anonymous, if you like) and my deepest admiration and sympathy.

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Late to the poop party and have no idea what I’m talking about? Take a second and go read this. I’ll wait… Okay, all caught up? Great! Now get to Tweeting haikus about Cottonelle and bums and wipes and poop, and maybe I’ll see you in NOLA!

*To read all eligible haikus as well as full contest details, visit the Haiku Challenge web page.

[Disclaimer: I am being compensated by Kimberly-Clark for my participation in my role as a Brand Ambassador. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. All opinions are mine and/or JJ’s.]

Cottonelle & Designer Daddy Get to the Bottom of Things

September 25, 2013 | By Brent Almond | DESIGN STUFF, LESSONS LEARNED

I’ve been tapped to be part of an elite squad of Brand Ambassadors, to tell you about an exciting new contest from the fine folks at Cottonelle!

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But first a word from our sponsor:

Are you tired of leaving the loo, only to return within minutes, realizing you’ve, ahem… missed a spot?

Does your morning constitutional frequently have you wiped out from all that wiping?

Have you longed for tips to help your toddler top off their potty-training technique?

Introducing the Cottonelle Care Routine!
The next time you
’re relaxing on your throne, follow up Cottonelle Toilet Paper with Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths, for the latest in tush technology!


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So, yeah. I’m doing toilet paper commercials on my blog now. Wondering how dear old Designer Dad fits this one into his otherwise awesome site about design and daddyhood and other cool, bloggy-type stuff? Simple, really.

FIRST: Being a dad involves A LOT of poop. And pee. And wiping. And quite a bit on the kiddo, too. If I need to explain this further, you’ve clearly never been around a child (or a grown man), or been one yourself.

SECOND: I love me some contests and giveaways and free stuff! Being a fancy-pants Brand Ambassador and all, I can’t actually win any of this stuff. But I’m pleased as punch to share it with all my awesome readers!

So what’s the free stuff?
Cottonelle is giving away a $200 Amazon gift card every Monday between now and November 4 — seven in all. The grand poo-bah prize is an all-expenses paid trip to the Dad 2.0 Summit conference in New Orleans, Jan 30-Feb 1, 2014. Airfare, two nights at the J.W. Marriott Hotel, registration fees — the whole shebang. Hebang, rather.

THIRD: To enter, all you do is write haiku about poo. (Okay, not exactly about poo, but it rhymed and was super cute.) You know how I love a clever turn of phrase, so this part’s a real hoot for me. Flex those clever craniums, fill your poems full of puns about keeping clean, tweet them with the hashtags #LetsTalkBums and #Haiku, and you’re in!

I and the other 6 way-more-illustrious bloggers will be tweeting haiku right along with you for fun, and then judging our favorite each week. One of those seven weekly winners will be chosen randomly as our big winner.

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Alright, this post is unrolling a bit longer than I’d hoped, so just a few more details before you go:

Check out Cottonelle’s Facebook page to join in on the potty talk and for cleaning tips, coupons and other fun stuff.

Be sure and visit the Haiku Challenge web page often, for all the official rules and where we’re collecting all your witty tweets in one big roll.

3 lines of poetic brilliance…
1st line: 5 syllables
2nd line: 7 syllables
3rd line: 5 syllables

Break the lines with a return or a “/” and don’t forget to tag each tweet with #LetsTalkBums and #Haiku.



Join me and the other Cottonelle Dads for a Twitter Party, hosted by Whit Honea on Monday, September 30 from 8-9pm EST. Use hashtag #LetsTalkBums and come ready to win a $50 Amazon gift card or two, an iPad mini, and hang around as we announce the first $200 weekly winner!

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[Disclaimer: I am being compensated by Kimberly-Clark for my participation in my role as a Brand Ambassador. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. All opinions are mine and/or JJ’s.]

Gays, Muppets, Chicken + Jesus

July 30, 2012 | By Brent Almond | DESIGN STUFF, LGBT STUFF


Click pic to view in all its full-sized, technicolor glory

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Well, I thought I was going to just post this photo and leave it at that… no such luck.

My inspiration for this collage was thinking about how ridiculous this all seems — chicken sandwiches vs. gay marriage vs. Muppets vs. Huckabee vs. the mayor of Boston, with some scouts thrown in for good measure. Yet regardless of the silliness of this cultural cockfight, same-sex marriage is obviously an important issue to me. And obviously to a lot of people, based on the amount of discussion it’s sparked in real life and on the Interwebs.

Full disclosure: I began frequenting Chick-Fil-A during my stint in Texas, then stopped going several years ago…but for gastronomical reasons more than any other. The company has every right to sponsor Christian organizations, close on Sundays, dress up cows in sandwich boards. But someone over there is going out of their way to make sure I’m not able to marry my partner of 15 years, preventing us and our son from having all the legal benefits — not to mention social acceptance — straight couples and their children are allowed. And that deserves a response.


Starting now and through midnight on August 1, for every comment I get on this post, plus every like / comment / forward on Facebook, reply / retweet / favorite on Twitter, and every like / comment on Instagram, I’ll donate a dollar to Marylanders for Marriage Equality, the organization working toward equal marriage in my home state. And while you’re at it, please consider making a donation yourself.

I don’t know if it’s what Jesus would do, but it sure beats fighting the crowds for a cheap chicken sandwich.

Fridge Wisdom: You like me, you really like me!

April 19, 2012 | By Brent Almond | THINGS DAD DIGS

Designer Daddy’s Facebook page recently reached its 200th “Like” milestone, so a big shout out to Todd P., Claudia H., and Tom S. (#s 198, 199, and 200, respectively)!

And to you and all the other Likers, posters, commenters, forwarders, followers, retweeters, sharers and readers, I send you a heartfelt…

Advent In An Hour: Dec 14

December 14, 2011 | By Brent Almond | DESIGN STUFF

On the 4th Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

FOUR TWEETING BIRDS! Because SRSLY, who calls anymore?

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