A Thank You Note to Straight People

July 6, 2015 | By Brent Almond | DAD STUFF, LGBT STUFF

The Supreme Court’s decision legalizing same-sex marriage couldn’t have happened without straight people — and not just the five Supreme Court justices that voted in favor of it…

Thank you Straight People, Love, A Gay Dad

Dear Straight People,

Thank you. Thank you for cheering right alongside us as we in the LGBT community celebrate a newfound, long-overdue measure of equality. Thank you for the endless sea of rainbow-colored photos. Thank you for voting. Thank you for teaching your children (and sometimes your parents) that not every family is the same, yet deserving of the same respect. Thank you for telling them that whether they grow up to love the opposite gender or their own, you will still love them. Thank you for encouraging them to be whoever they were meant to be. Thank you for trying to understand and to learn. Thank you for asking questions, even if you don’t always have the right words. Thank you for being fair and equal in your schools, your jobs, your churches, and your neighborhoods. Thank you for defending us in a fight, even when we’re not around. Especially when we’re not around.

To friends, families, classmates, and coworkers: thank you for allowing us the time and space to come out — to know ourselves and to be seen, heard, and known on our own terms. We realize this is a journey for you, too; we will do our best to remember that.

On a more personal note, I count myself lucky that the majority of my family has stuck around since I came out 20 years ago. I love that you love my husband and my son, and your presence in our lives means the world to me.

I also want to voice my thanks to a specific group of straight people — the fathers I’ve met since starting this blog. Some of you I’ve met in real life; countless others I know only virtually. To varying degrees you’ve been sounding board and shit-caller, muse and motivator, confidante and comrade. You’ve made me laugh, cry, think, and scream — sometimes all at once. Thank you for being my friends, my brothers, my family.

More importantly, thank you for doing all you do as you raise your families — living your lives as fair-minded men. Among you are those with LGBT fathers and mothers, aunts and uncles, in-laws, siblings, children. Some of you live and work alongside many who are LGBT. For some, I was the first gay person you ever interacted with.

Regardless of your experience, that is how the world changes — people choosing to love and accept those in their everyday lives that have known hatred, rejection, and judgment elsewhere. This is how humanity grows, strengthens, and moves on from a history of bigotry and fear. So thank you for being the fathers that you are — and in turn, changing the world.

With much love & gratitude,
Designer Daddy

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Please take some time to read these stories from a few of my fellow blogging dads. They come from all over the US and beyond — each sharing their unique perspective and expeirence.

Aaron Gouveia, The Daddy Files
It’s No Longer Gay Marriage, Just Marriage

Adam Hall, Tenor Dad
The Bible is Not Against Gay Marriage, and Here’s Proof

Briton Underwood, Punk Rock Papa
Scar Tissue

Bruce Devereaux, Big Family, Little Income
The Rainbow Connection

Carl Wilke, Big Cheese Dad
I’m a Christian and I love gay people

Chris Bernholdt, Dad-n-Charge
Rainbows Bright

City Dads Group (various contributors)
On Same-Sex Marriage

Daniel Pelfrey, Post Post Modern Dad
Love Did Not Win

Dave Lesser, Amateur Idiot/Professional Dad
Marriage Equality and Loving the Sinner (I Don’t Mean the Gays)

David Cummings, The Unprepared Father
Lela, Let Me Explain Love

Derek Bremer, The Unfit Father
Congratulations LGBTs! It’s About Time (It’s Also Really Just the Beginning)

Doren Tripp, Grafted Identity
America the Loving

Joe Medler, Developing Dad
Pennants, Rainbows and Love

Joseph Mastropiero, Just Another Dad
Score One for Love

Justin Meyer, Dad on the Loose
On Marriage, Family, and the Rule of Law

Marc Mitchell, The Awesome Adventures of a Stay-at-home Dad
Equality for All!

Mike Reynolds, Puzzling Posts
How “Gay Marriage” Might Have Ruined our “Straight Marriage” in One Weekend

Neil Fein, Magnificent Nose
Good things happen, too

Philip Deatherage, Philip’s Free
Marriage Equality?

Roberto Santiago, An Interdisciplinary Life
Are You A Bigot? (A Simple Test)

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Thanks to Chris from Dadncharge.com for most of the collage images.

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5 responses to “A Thank You Note to Straight People”

  1. richard says:

    hi, and i couldn’t agree more. in fact, i sent out an email to my family and friends last week saying exactly this. i provide it here to add to the sentiment:

    to all my dear family and friends:

    last week, with all the seriously important history going down in the US, one SCOTUS decision was meant to stand out for me personally: that gays now have a constitutional right to marry.

    but when it finally happened, nothing happened. my emotions remained tempered and subdued (certainly not celebratory), permeated with a vague sense of doubt, that this might have not been the right outcome; though i couldn’t exactly enunciate why that would be true.

    over the next few days, i read and absorbed all information surrounding the decision, putting way too much time into reading the dissents and listening to the republicans, but mostly just following any internet trail of information: analysis, reactions and responses to it (good and bad), interviews, the response from the world at large, whatever it happened to be.

    and something funny happened, once i stopped delving into all the negativity, i started to see something i hadn’t expected: overwhelming joy and support from all kinds of people and organisations who are not gay: the white house lit up like a gay parade, tech companies unabashedly showing their support, twitter all aflame, rainbows everywhere, literally and figuratively.

    and i began to understand where my doubt was coming from. rooted in a fear that this victory of equality would be singularly celebrated only by the people it directly affected, us, the queers and outsiders of society we have been for an eternity. and not that this fear meant some kind of backlash, but that with a victory making only the victors happy, we (i) would yet again suffer that feeling of solitude and aloneness we have been taught by society is our own fault, based on our “lifestyle choice”.

    and then i came across the following short video that broke the waters of my doubt for good: (watch now, if you can)

    and by the end i realized that my fear was completely unfounded. something’s happened in a very short time in society at large, that lots and lots of people who aren’t gay, who have no idea what this particular experience is like, have evolved to empathize with us on a very deep and personal level, and not just being PC about it to maintain their liberal cred.

    so why i’m writing: to give my deepest thanks and gratitude to everyone i care for who has been a part of this over the course of an entire lifetime. we homos are a very small minority in the culture at large, and without all the non-gays and their support, this would never have happened. i am overjoyed at this completely brand new message of inclusion the american population has responded with, nothing short of a miracle, something i never expected to feel in my lifetime.

    i will forever feel a deep sense of gratitude to all the straights out there who had no other interest in this fight than standing up for what’s right and for the people they love, to continue the march toward equality for everybody, no matter how hard or distant it may seem, with no ego-centered self-interest whatsoever. for me, this is the definition of love.

    so i am now reduced to giving in to suffering the consequences of this acknowledgement, that a deep pain i have carried with me since i was but a young boy may begin to recede and possibly even heal, all the requisite tears be damned!

    thank you to everyone for your part in all of this (i have stories), i am blessed to have you all in my life, and even though all the other gays who aren’t me might not know it, they are too.

    and deep thanks and congratulations to all my fellow homos, known and unknown, who started it all and lived it every day whether they liked it or not: not only for our perseverance and never giving up in the face of seemingly certain defeat, but for getting up every day and living outside a closet, proud and unapologetically living in the truth we know now and knew then: we are humans no better and no worse than anyone and everyone else.


    effusively emitting as much love that i can muster,


  2. Jack Fuller says:

    I only wish I had written this. As an older gay man who is out but had not been vocal I must thank my many straight friends who have fought for MY rights. These changes could not have happened if the straight community had not stood up for us. THANK YOU !!!

    • Brent Almond says:

      Thanks for your comment, Jack. And please read Richard’s comment as well, which captures our sentiment so well.

      It’s quite amazing to think of what life for the next generation of gays will be like, no? 🙂


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