The Supreme Court’s decision legalizing same-sex marriage couldn’t have happened without straight people — and not just the five Supreme Court justices that voted in favor of it…
Dear Straight People,
Thank you. Thank you for cheering right alongside us as we in the LGBT community celebrate a newfound, long-overdue measure of equality. Thank you for the endless sea of rainbow-colored photos. Thank you for voting. Thank you for teaching your children (and sometimes your parents) that not every family is the same, yet deserving of the same respect. Thank you for telling them that whether they grow up to love the opposite gender or their own, you will still love them. Thank you for encouraging them to be whoever they were meant to be. Thank you for trying to understand and to learn. Thank you for asking questions, even if you don’t always have the right words. Thank you for being fair and equal in your schools, your jobs, your churches, and your neighborhoods. Thank you for defending us in a fight, even when we’re not around. Especially when we’re not around.
Back in February, you may remember I attended a conference in San Francisco. One of the many highlights of the Dad 2.0 Summit was a private tour of Lucasfilm! Sponsored by LEGO, it included a screening of top secret footage from an upcoming LEGO Star Wars project. Well, that project is now set to premiere, and I’m as giddy as a Gungan!
LEGO Star Wars: Droid Tales is a five episode series that acts as a helpful (and hilarious) way to catch up prior to December’s premiere of Star Wars, Episode VII: The Force Awakens!
One of my favorite things about being a dad is sharing my passions with my son. Whether it’s a certain song, a board game, favorite holiday or superhero, I never tire of re-experiencing these things together — and through his eyes, for the first time.
This is also true with the TV shows and movies I grew up on. Yet some of the shows and films I loved might not yet translate to a 5-year-old’s mind or patience level; or perhaps they didn’t age well; or they’re just plain impossible to find.
But as the saying goes, “Everything old is new again.” (Or was it, “All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again”?) In any event, pretty much anything you were into as a kid (movie, cartoon, comic book, toy, video game, etc.) has been rebooted, rehashed, reconfigured or reborn into a new iteration for you and your kids to enjoy. Here are just a few examples* that our family has found to bridge the generation gap!
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Super Friends / Young Justice
Super Friends was absolutely my favorite show as a kid. How can you lose with Superman, Batman & Robin, Wonder Woman and Aquaman? Yet as I watch the episodes now, they are as corny as the Wonder Twins’ jumpsuits are an unholy shade of purple. They were fine when my son was little-bity, but today’s kids (at least mine) have much more sophisticated tastes, and Young Justice fits that bill perfectly. It’s like Teen Titans, but with more glowering. Junior versions of the Super Friends/Justice League take on global threats, led by an ultra cool water-sword wielding Aqualad! And don’t worry, the old-timers show up from time-to-time, too.
I’d been battling a summer cold and was giving my achy muscles a rest, when multiple alerts on my phone roused me from grogginess. At long last, the Supreme Court had ruled to uphold the legality of same-sex marriage! Friends and family were texting, emailing and posting in a celebratory barrage of beeps and tweets.
Yet my relief, excitement and pride were shortly muffled by throbbing sinuses, and I resigned myself to sitting this historic event out. I had been there when DOMA and Prop8 were overturned, we’d been legally married last year, my husband was out of town and I was exhausted from my solo-parenting stint — the reasons to stay in bed were all within easy reach. But something (the social media frenzy? live news reports on the TV in the background? guilt?) moved me to maneuver upright and out of bed, where my thoughts became clearer…
This isn’t about you, or about what you have or haven’t experienced. It’s not about living within reach of where it’s all taking place. This is an opportunity to share a moment with your son. A historic moment in the nation’s evolution. A moment relevant to him and his story.
After a shot of Mucinex, I somehow managed to pull it (snacks, water, metro cards, myself) together, picked Jon up from day camp, and we set out on our adventure.
I told my curious and excited 5-year-old we were going on a field trip to the Supreme Court Building. I told him we would get to ride the subway and a taxi, and that the building looked kind of like the Hall of Justice. He was already sold by the how and where, but I needed to explain the why.
Remember when Daddy and Papa got married, and how much fun that was? (Nods) Well, we were able to get married and be a family because it was legal in our state. But there were still a lot of families with two mommies or two daddies in other states that couldn’t get married because they weren’t allowed to. Because it wouldn’t count. (Look of concern) Until today. The Supreme Court is where they decide all the laws in the country, and they said that any two people can get married anywhere and be a family — and they said that was the law just today. So we’re going to celebrate!
So, it’s gonna be… like a little party?
I can’t believe it’s finally here… my last state magnet post commemorating the progression of same-sex marriage across the United States! For those of you just joining this odd journey and wondering why the heck I chose this method to mark the march of progress, you can poke around these posts. Or just go with it.
I’d done a little prep work asking for magnets from the hold-out remaining states, so was a tiny bit ahead of the game. Then I went and got sick, laid up for a couple of days. I was sleeping when the Supreme Court announced their ruling, but eventually got a spark of inspiration and took my son on a spur-of-the-moment field trip to SCOTUS (more about that trip in a future post). Which is why I’m just now getting around to this.
From the moment SCOTUS’ ruling was read this morning, I started getting messages and texts along the lines of, “Now you gotta find a magnet for the whole USA!”
I thought about it, but quickly decided against it. While the state governments (and quite a few of the citizens) of Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Missouri, Mississippi, North Dakota, Nebraska, Ohio, South Dakota, Tennessee and Texas deserve to have their noses rubbed in this victory, those couples waiting and hoping and fighting to get married in those states do not. They deserve their own day — their own magnetic moment in the sun, as it were.
So without further fanfare, the remaining state magnets…
As the months and days have counted down to the presumed legalization of same-sex marriage, more companies (and politicians) continue to produce ads with gay and lesbian families and couples. But do they still make an impact? What do they say about the companies airing them? Do they still even matter? READ FULL ARTICLE >>
Marriage equality currently sits on the Supreme Court’s docket, awaiting a final ruling. Though not assured, all signs point to same-sex marriage finally being legalized in the entire United States by month’s end.
I’ve put a lot of words on this site about same-sex marriage — about mine and others'; about the depiction, support and condemnation of gay marriage in the media and politics; and about its slow progression to acceptance…one ponderous magnet at a time.
Waiting with hopeful anticipation, I’m (nearly) at a loss for words. But many others are not — men who have shared their stories and their families with me over the last few years. Many who have become friends in this herky-jerky journey of being a gay man and a father. I’ve pulled together a fraction of the tales that have paved the long, bumpy road to equality — and the reasons these dads love (or look forward to) being married.
So as we await SCOTUS’ decision, please join me in wishing these dads and their children a long-overdue, exceptionally, abundantly awesome (and legally married), Happy Fathers’ Day!
1. Your Love Knows No Bounds…or Boundaries
Brian & Ferd, married 6/10/13, Toronto; moving back to New York City in July. [Photo courtesy of Brian Rosenberg]
Brian and Ferd were married on their 20th anniversary as a couple. Several years earlier they had moved to Toronto from New York, as Ferd was coming on the end of his legal status in the US (he’s Dutch). Six days after their wedding in Canada, SCOTUS ruled that they could now get married in the US and both be eligible for federal benefits of marriage. Brian can now sponsor his husband for permanent residency, and the couple is moving back to New York next month. Welcome back, guys!
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Let me drop some Jedi Master-level parenting knowledge on you: Just because you grow up an epic Star Wars fan, then became a dad and go into hyperdrive raising your child in the ways of The Force, things might not turn out exactly as you’d imagined. With the passing of time and the expansion of Mr. Lucas’ universe, stark differences have emerged between generations of Star Wars enthusiasts…
- When I was a kid, Darth Vader scared the bejeezus out of me — as was intended. Upon his first viewing of Episode IV, my then 4-year-old son squealed with glee at Vader’s debut.
- When I was a kid, we called it STAR WARS, not A New Hope. Not Episode IV.
- When I was a kid, you could easily find t-shirts with Luke, Han or the droids on them. Nowadays, the majority of Star Wars clothing for kids is adorned by the Dark Side — Vader, Boba Fett, Stormtroopers, etc.
- When I was a kid, we collected action figures. Today? After six films and multiple animated series, there are hordes of figures in every size, not to mention headphones, watches, bike helmets, lingerie, pet costumes, snowboards, wedding rings, toilet seat covers, bathrobes, chopsticks, sleeping bags, and oh yeah, LEGO. SO. MANY. LEGO.
- When I was a kid, there was no Jar Jar Binks.
Despite all these differences, there are two things that bind my son and I together like The Force: We both love a good light saber battle, and we both love to eat popcorn when we’re watching the Star Wars films. So when I signed on to help promote the #PopWars Video Contest for Pop Secret’s Pre-popped Popcorn, I knew my video had to include copious amounts of popcorn AND an epic light saber battle.
I’ve been teaching my son about superheroes since birth – beginning, of course, with Superman. His brightly colored costume and superhuman abilities, paired with an innate goodness and endless supply of hope, make Superman the understandable idol for even the youngest of superhero fans.
As part of what is often labeled a “non-traditional family,” (or NTF*) I strive to fill our son’s life with people, experiences, and stories that reinforce that there’s a place in the world for everyone, regardless of their age, gender, skin color, or how their family is made — including an adopted boy with two gay dads.
While our family may be atypical in it’s makeup, we are extremely typical (boringly so) in that we have the same worries as so many other parents.
“How will our son do well in school?” “Will he ever eat his vegetables?” “Who will his friends be?”
Yet add to that list “Will he be treated differently for having two dads and being adopted?” and we’re back in non-traditional territory. And as any NTF parent can attest, finding books, toys, TV shows, and movies that represent your family can be challenging.
One great resource I’ve found is something we already had — our Netflix subscription. As a long-time Netflixer (?), I consider myself an expert at finding the perfect show to appease or distract my energetic 5-year-old – or even provide some occasional downtime for his two dads.
Below is a list of nine great Netflix titles that provide just the right mix of entertainment, encouragement and empowerment for our little NTF.