“When I’m Five Years Old…” Broccoli Edition

October 20, 2014 | By Brent Almond | DAD STUFF

It’s no secret that the struggle with our 4-year-old and food has been long, frustrating and fraught with many, many carbs. As with a lot of kids his age, tastes change as frequently as the Power Rangers’ uniforms. Sometimes it’s Banana Week, other times Apple Week. But it’s almost nearly never an Anything Green Week — which is surprising since green has been his favorite color since he could tell us so.

Yet as we near his fifth birthday, in addition to the personal goals, the promises are starting to pile on as well. Thanks to a book we recently read, Jon now knows that broccoli gives you gas, which elicited the expected glee (and gas). Seeing an opportunity to encourage some veggie digestion, I played up how fun it would be to eat broccoli and all the smelly farts he would have. Being my well-trained son, he of course took it to the next level, proclaiming…

When I'm Five Years Old - Brocolli

As long as he’s eating healthy, I suppose I can wear a gas mask during dinner. But I’m not holding my breath.

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Check out all the other installments of “When I’m Five Years Old…” and share your own child’s aspirations in the comments!

For more delicious fun (and the occasional fart joke), trot over to Facebook and like the Designer Daddy page!

Fridge Wisdom: Way To Go, Idaho… and North Carolina, Alaska & Arizona, too!

October 19, 2014 | By Brent Almond | LGBT STUFF

I don’t have a particular fondness for Idaho over the other three states that legalized same-sex marriage last week — it just made for a better rhyme. Ironically, it’s the only state of the four I’ve not visited. In any case — way to go! Over 60% of the US population now lives in a state where marriage equality is the law of the land!

Join me in celebrating the four new states that this past week helped to make the inevitable all the more so. And when you stop and think about it, it’s pretty amazing that gays and lesbians can now legally wed in places like the Grand Canyon, Outer Banks, Twin Falls or right next door to Sarah Palin
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same-sex marriage north carolina

North Carolina: same-sex marriage legal, effective October 10, 2014. (Magnet on left courtesy of Mark Mitchell)

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Nobody’s Hero

October 15, 2014 | By Brent Almond | DAD STUFF

I was coming off a four-day stint of flying solo while Papa was away at a conference, and not feeling too confident about my parenting skills. In fact, I was feeling downright shitty about them. Wallowing in self-doubt, self-pity, and other self-related things that suck, I walked by a drawing Jon had done earlier in the day.

The forecast for Saturday had been for a day full of rain, so we had a couple of preschool classmates and their dad over for the afternoon. Sometime in-between watching videos and the MMA match that signaled the end of the play date, the kids had pulled out the crayons and a Star Wars notepad I’d gotten Jon from the dollar bin at Target, and were cranking out quite a few masterpieces.

As I noticed the drawing again that evening, I added to the mental list of my shortcomings, “kid can’t draw.” I wasn’t upset with him or the quality of his artwork. Instead, I took it as evidence of an inability to transfer my skill set to my son. And I was jealous that the other boy that was here was a better artist, and that this was something Jon and I didn’t have that in common. All this landed atop the pile of misery I’d already put on my tired, beaten-down shoulders.

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“When I’m Five Years Old…” Movies Edition

October 15, 2014 | By Brent Almond | DAD STUFF

As I mentioned in my first installment, Jon’s list of things he wants when he turns five is exhaustive and exhausting. In addition to things he wants to be (taller) and have (all manner of toys), there are things he wants to experience. Things that are well above what’s appropriate for his age. He claims he’s not afraid of anything (except for getting shots, going into a darkened room alone, biting spiders and vegetables) — and I’m proud when he’s my brave, little toaster. But I’m not ready for him to be 100% fearless yet. He’s got stuff to learn, limits to experience, dangers to fully comprehend. Like cyborg assassins from the future.

When I'm Five Years Old... Movies Edition

SPOILER ALERT! THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Stay tuned for more sequels to “When I’m five years old…”

On your way out of the theater, leave a comment telling us what movies well above their age range your little ones are clamoring to see. Or ones you saw long before you were ready.

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For more family-friendly(ish) fun… stampede, swim or crawl (because the lower half of your cybernetic body has been severed) over to Facebook and like the Designer Daddy page. I’ll bring the popcorn!

“When I’m Five Years Old…”

October 13, 2014 | By Brent Almond | DAD STUFF, MAKING MEMORIES

It’s hard to wrap my head around it, but in just a few weeks I will be the father of a 5-year-old. The time seems to have raced past (oftentimes knocking me on my ass), but of course for our little big boy, it can’t go fast enough. Ever since Jon understood he was a certain number and that there were other numbers higher than his, he’s longed to be higher, bigger, older, faster… and just all around more. As if that were even possible.

Yet as he’s gotten closer to his quinquennial anniversary on Earth, the plans Jon has made for when that day arrives have grown more specific, more elaborate, and good god, more frequent. So between now and his birthday, I’ll be randomly posting a sampling of the things our ambitious boy has declared he will do/be/have when he turns five years old.

When I'm Five Years Old

But wait, there’s more! Stay tuned for further installments of “When I’m five years old…”

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Don’t wait for YOUR next birthday… pop over to Facebook and like the Designer Daddy page, join in the fun and share the love!

Fridge Wisdom: Same-Sex Marriage in the U.S., Over Halfway There!

October 10, 2014 | By Brent Almond | LGBT STUFF

Are you having trouble keeping score? Yeah, me too. But this is a good trouble to have. So that’s 27 states and the District of Columbia — 55.3% of the US population — lives where same-sex marriage is now legal.

Here’s the play-by-play from another watershed week in marriage equality… On Monday, the Supreme Court declined to re-visit decisions from lower courts, thus granting marriage equality in Indiana, Oklahoma, Wisconsin, Utah and Virginia. Colorado lifted its ban on same-sex marriage on Tuesday. Similar actions followed on Wednesday in Nevada and West Virginia.

It looked like Idaho was in the green (see map below) for a while, but on Wednesday Justice Kennedy implemented a temporary stay. I feel bad for the couples in Idaho wanting to get married, but maybe this will give me time to find someone that has an Idaho fridge magnet. Even a magnet of a potato would be fine!
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Same-sex marriage in Nevada and West Virginia

Nevada and West Virginia: same-sex marriage legal, effective October 9, 2014.

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Fridge Wisdom: Five More States Allow Same-Sex Marriage

October 7, 2014 | By Brent Almond | LGBT STUFF

Oklahoma Wisconsin Utah Virginia Indiana same-sex marriage
Oklahoma, Wisconsin, Utah, Virginia
and Indiana: same-sex marriage becomes legal October 6, 2014.

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I’ll leave it to the political junkies and legal analysts to dissect the ramifications of yesterday’s Supreme Court non-decision. But to summarize, five states now join the ranks of those legalizing same-sex marriage in the United States.

Some of these I’ve covered before, only to have them redacted. And it was beginning to look like it would be a while before I’d get to throw another magnet up on the old virtual Designer Daddy fridge. But once SCOTUS decided not to hear the arguments against same-sex marriage in Indiana, Oklahoma, Utah, Virginia and Wisconsin, they defaulted to the lower courts’ decisions, making it legal. Ain’t justice grand?

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Six Silly/Spooky Candy Corn Crafts

October 5, 2014 | By Brent Almond | DESIGN STUFF

Candy Corn Crafts for Halloween

Gun control, gay marriage, abortion…candy corn?!? Who knew Halloween’s perennial kernel-shaped snack could be so divisive?

I took a poll to find out how folks felt about candy corn, and the results were quite polarizing. None of the replies were of the “I can take it or leave it” variety. Certainly some sang its praises, and a few rode the fence with a love/hate relationship. But the most entertaining and creative answers came from the haters.

“I would rather write an essay on a blackboard using nothing but a fork.”

“My teeth hurt just reading this.”

“Insipid confections spawned from hell.”  

“Rather eat corn in sh*t.” 

“I would like to feed All of It to Dick Cheney, staple him to Donald Rumsfeld and launch the whole lot into the sun.”

“HAAAAAAATE”

Alrighty, then. There seems to be some seriously deep-seated loathing of this defenseless little sweet. Yet according to the National Confectioners Association, 25 million pounds (9,000+ metric tons) of candy corn are sold annually. I imagine there must be more than a few metric tons lying around somewhere, uneaten and unloved, serving no purpose but to populate our landfills and choke our dolphins.

So for all you candy corn abhorrers — and for the admirers that also love super silly crafts — here are some ways to put that bumper crop of corn to good(ish) use.
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SuperLunchNotes: Back to School, or Why I Stopped Telling My Son I Loved Him

September 25, 2014 | By Brent Almond | DAD STUFF, DESIGN STUFF, POP CULTURE

Holy Time-loss, Batman! Has it really been a year already?! For the first week of school, I wanted to come out strong on the lunch notes, as this was the start of my son’s second year of preschool. So I went back to where it all started…Batman. His image is the most iconic, most adaptable, and rife with puns to be played upon. I threw in some other favorites (Cyborg, GL), Daddy’s favorite (Aquaman, duh) and a first appearance from Booster Gold, who we’d watched on an episode of Batman: The Brave & the Bold recently.

And finally, for good measure I added “♥ Daddy” as a signature. This was to be a short-lived addition…

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BACK TO SCHOOL WEEK-ish: August 28 – September 5, 2014

Batman  |  Green Lantern  |  Mr. Fantastic  |  Aquaman  |  Cyborg  |  Booster Gold

Designer Daddy Batman

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Parenting & Gender Roles

September 23, 2014 | By Brent Almond | DAD STUFF, LGBT STUFF

DESIGNER DADDY ON THE PARENTS PROJECT - gender roles

The Parents Project is an online resource for parents of LGBTQ kids. It’s loaded with videos, advice and other bits of helpful stuff, like info on what did or didn’t turn your child gay, things not to say to your kid when they come out to you, and bunches of other stuff related to self-esteem, gender roles, sexuality, etc. The site was started by Dannielle Owens-Reid and Kristin Russo, who also co-founded the award winning youth organization Everyone Is Gay. These ladies are all the awesome. The Parents Project recently reached out to me to be a contributor to their site, and you can betcha I said yes.

My first assignment was to answer this question sent in by a grandmother-to-be, concerned about the potential lack of female presence in her gay son’s life.

“My son and his husband have been married for just over a year. They’ve recently brought up the idea of adopting a child. I’ve been supportive of my son and his partner, but as a mother I can’t help but wonder how the lack of a mother figure in the household could negatively affect the child’s upbringing. Any advice?”

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Read my response and learn more about The Parents Project by clicking the bright orange link.
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